The Committment

Today I made a committment, a promise to myself to eat better, get fit, and lose weight. This isn't the first time I've wanted to lose weight, but it is the first time I want to change my lifestyle. I'm ready!

I'll start with a little background (okay, a long background...but from here on out it will be mostly just a paragraph or two on the progress!).

It seems like I have been talking about really getting in shape forever, and in a way I guess I have been. I remember being in 8th grade and my friend and I saying "if we hit 100 pounds, we're going on a diet." Scary how society can do that to teenagers, huh?
Well, I guess I've never been REALLY overweight, and never REALLY skinny. A good average most my life.
My sophomore year of college I all of a sudden slimmed to my lowest, and it wasn't healthy eating, I can promise you that! My body just changed on it's own and I was able to go into any store, pick a size 5 jean, most any shirt, and it fit and looked good. I stayed that way until I had our first child in 2002, which I gained 40 lbs during the pregnancy. But most of it was coming off nicely and I was getting into my regular clothes, just in time to find out we were having another baby...and then it was a struggle from there. I got lovehandles, or the new age word: Muffintop! YIKES!
The next few years I was up and down but never too far. Not really happy but not too upset, just enough to complain and make jokes about my body...figuring one day I'd get back into shape. I would go through stages where I'd workout, eat right, lose weight...then when the vacation or reason for it was over, I'd slip back. But like I said, it wasn't like 20 lb difference, so I wasn't too concerned.
Then I had our 3rd child in 2007, again gained 40 lbs, that's my prego weight gain I guess! When she was 1, I was done nursing...and felt a need to get my body back. I had made the decision to be done having children and was very content with my family.
In December 2008 my sitter and I began eating better and working on the elliptical. As we did that, we got more into we wanted to do more. We got Barry's Bootcamp workout routine and stuck to it, and it was working...in one month, we each lost 10 lbs and were getting slimmer, fitting into clothes I haven't been able to wear in years. It felt great! By mid February I was at the lowest I had been since 2002, only 7 lbs from my goal. I remember this because it was our trip to New Orleans and I could wear shorts again! yeah!
But when the trip was over, the stress of work took it's toll on me and I began gaining again, stopped working out, and got caught in this "slump". I gained 8 lbs, and clothes weren't fitting again. Then in May I found out I was pregnant...oops! Well, needless to say, I was terrible...I tried to do good, but when I saw the same weight gain as the previous 3, I just gave up...and gained 40 lbs again (big surprise!) When we told the kids we were having another baby, Sam said, "Mama, you worked SO hard to get a skinny tummy and here comes another baby!"

Well, that baby is now 5 months old...I have only lost 30 lbs. to date. And I'm bigger than I've ever been (not pregnant of course) in my life...it has really affected me, not only physically, but mentally. I see photos of me and just think, "wow, I didn't think I looked that big when I put that on." But I was, photos don't lie, neither does the scale, neither does the tight clothes. I refuse to buy bigger anything, so I wear the same few things that actually fit me...the rest hang in the closet. My husband doesn't say anything really, but I feel like he's not as attracted to me, and I can't blame him. Does that hurt? Very much! It could be just how I'm feeling though too...I've become very self-conscience about my body, and would probably take any wrong remark or look way out of context.

So...today I ordered P90X, a very intense workout. I also have allowed my friend, Dawn, a coach for P90X to be a part of this. She will be great for me, she is really bossy and accepts no excuses. This is what I need...someone to really kick my ass! Ha ha ha!

I ate NO candy, NO unhealthy snacks, cut carbs which is very hard for me...I LOVE POTATOES! I drank lots and lots of water, which I do anyways, but I definately increased it.
I find that working out of our home means I eat a lot...everytime I went into the kitchen, I had to break that habit of taking a snack from the kids' snack drawer, so instead I had another glass of water. I had to scrape their unfinished plates down the drain rather than eat the peices off. I had to ask myself "are you hungry, really?" And realize I was eating A LOT when I didn't need to be.

This journey will be a struggle, probably more in my head than the workouts really...it's tough to break habits, it's hard to learn to eat to fuel your body when all your life eating was the "event". I put myself in a million scenerios today and practiced making the right choice. I'm ready for the challenge, I'm excited to see the changes, and thrilled to know I will feel great and have more energy.

Finally, my goals:
I want to run and like doing it. I signed up for a 5 mile run on July 21st. Just over a month away.
I want to lose a total of 27 lbs.
I want to feel comfortable, no...I want to feel GOOD about my body!